um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
