well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
