Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
