my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
