Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
