just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
