His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
