i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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