After last night, I could never be a politician.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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