you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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