her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
