remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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