i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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