I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
