Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
