from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
