The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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