We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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