Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
