He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
