I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
