help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
