we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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