PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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