I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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