The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
