If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
