You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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