forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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