but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
