I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
