You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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