I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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