did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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