So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
