i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
