Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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