he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
