my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
