what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
