I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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