and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
