this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
