The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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