Don't make out with my wife yet
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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