if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
