I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
