Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
