She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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