Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
