Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
